As a meat eater, I can’t really criticize those who hunt – after all, someone’s got to kill it before I can grill it, to paraphrase The Nuge. I can, however, make fun of hunters who seem to regard large game as penile extensions. That’s the only conclusion I can draw from the quotes in this story about attorney Levi McCathern aka Jerry Jones’s lawyer. A quail and dove hunter hellbent on larger game, McCathern went from googling the phrase “monster alligator” to actually killing a 14 foot, 900 lb reptile in the Trinity River.

Admitting that his testosterone has been “very high” since he bagged the trophy, McCathern said: “My wife probably doesn’t like it as much as she should. I’ve been pretty big since I killed this alligator.” TMI, Levi!

By the way, I hope the producers of those low-budget creature features that run on the Sy Fy cable network are listening. The story of a virile, wisecracking Texas sports attorney who matches wits with a giant killer reptile seems perfect for the makers of Dinoshark and Mansquito. McCathern would, of course, be played by Hung’s Thomas Jane, a veteran of the Sy Fy canon.