By now you’ve probably heard that the recently renovated Texas Giant roller coaster at Six Flags stopped in mid-ride yesterday. Fourteen stories up. After a half hour baking in triple digit heat, the passengers calmly walked down the tracks to safety. This story fascinates me because, as a kid, I had an occasional nightmare about getting stuck in mid-air on a roller coaster. I never attempted any of the big coasters when I went to parks.

I’m also hugely impressed by the poise of the riders who left their seats and quietly walked down. Had I been on that coaster, the event would’ve made even bigger headlines. Here are the possible scenarios: 1) The track has to be dismantled and lowered to the ground with heavy equipment because I won’t let go of the bar holding me in place. 2) I grab the smallest, weakest nearby passenger and begin shouting that some really bad shit will go down if the f***ing operators don’t get off their f***ing asses and get this motherf***er moving. 3) Officials from the state’s parks and wildlife department are forced to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and catch my falling body, similar to those viral videos where rangers bag bears trapped in trees. So it’s best for everyone if I stay away from coasters.