After perusing today’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch I’ve decided the Rangers should let the St. Louis Cardinals win the next two games and the World Series.
That poor city is a mess, although made up of really nice people who desperately need a Series win. Rangers need a Series title too, as I argued in “Red Clad Hearts Don’t Know Dark Hole.” That article mocked Cardinals fans for whining despite already owning 10 titles. Now I’m taking the opposite stance. That’s the way I Blotch, baby.
Cardinals fans are still reeling over manager Tony LaRussa’s senior moment in Game 5 that lost them the game and made Jesus cry.
Now they worry last night’s rain-out will psyche out their starting pitcher, Jaime Garcia, who’s apparently OCD about schedules. “I did not schedule this rain!!! I’m like freaking out, man!!!!” he allegedly did not say.
Free agency means the Cards team is on the verge of disintegrating — almost half its players, including premier slugger Albert Pujols, could be leaving after this season.
Meanwhile the city’s football team is winless and “just plain bad,” according to the newspaper.
And yet with all that self-doubt and inner turmoil, here’s a story about the good people of St. Louis treating Texas visitors, including a Fort Worth couple, like royalty at Cardinals games and in sports bars. It’ll bring a tear to your eye.
They’re just so darned nice up there despite all they’ve been through.
Kind of needy, though.
And a little greedy, since they’ve won 10 times more world championships than the Rangers.
In fact, they sound like a bunch of whiny, spoiled brats.
That’s it, I’m flip-flipping back to my original stance — let’s kick these crybabies’ asses and make Arlington become known as Title Town.