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WOULD YOU PAY TO TALK TO MICHAEL LOHAN? AT LEAST TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE DOESNT INVOLVE SEEING HIS NIPPLES.
WOULD YOU PAY TO TALK TO A GUY WHO TOOK THIS SELF-PORTRAIT AND FATHERED LINDSAY LOHAN?

Grab your Visa card and pick up a phone if you’ve ever felt like rapping with Lindsay Lohan’s parents, Tila Tequila, or the Octomom.

D-list (is there an E-list?) celebrities who can’t land a gig on Dancing With The Stars are now accepting money in exchange for talking to fans on the phone at this site for $10 to $25 a minute.

I’m trying to imagine how one of these conversations would go:

ME: Hi, Miss Octomom.

OCTO: Please call me Nadya. I look forward to having a very fertile conversation.

ME:  How are the kids?

OCTO: Well, let me tell you… .

Note to self: Inquiring about the kids when talking to a woman with 14 of the snotty-nosed little monsters is a bad idea when paying $12 a minute. Three hours later…

ME: How’s the weather in California?

OCTO: Well, let me tell you… .

Note to self: Inquiring about anything when paying $12 a minute is a bad idea.

ME: Enough small talk, I’ve already spent $2,574 hearing about your kids and the weather — could you say something important that’s worth $12 a minute?

OCTO: You sound like a big, strong, sexy hunk. Can I call you Tiger Man?

ME: Now we’re talking. Please continue.

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