NBC-DFW Channel 5 is on a roll with exclusive jailhouse interviews. Just four days ago, they chatted with the banged-up college guy who claimed he went on a carjacking and robbing spree because someone drugged his workout supplement. Last night, Channel 5 landed a talk with the man who drove into Southwest Center Mall naked because, he claimed, a friend had laced his cigarette with PCP. His nudity was somehow related to hallucinations about The Rapture, which the suspect speculates he had because “I’m a religious person.” Never lose an opportunity to be your own character witness.

The PCP angle is what made my ears perk up. In junior high school health class that substance was singled out as The Scariest Drug in the World, sure to induce a gouge-your-own-eyes-out, kill-and-eat-your-own-dog insanity that fascinated the students. Shopping naked in a mall sporting goods store was mild stuff –– one coach told us about a guy who bit his girlfriend’s tongue off while french-kissing her on PCP. The moral here is: Kids, never leave your workout supplements or your cigarettes unattended.