I’m always leery of recommending consumer boycotts, since they so often seem to backfire: Only the foolhardy dare to stand between Americans and their bred-in-the-bone need to spend, spend, spend. However, for those interested, there are online petitions circulating to encourage people to stay home on Thanksgiving night rather than force retail employees to work on what used to be a universally agreed upon holiday. It’s a noble idea. Um, let me know how it works out.

I propose a compromise: Have a drunk online shopping party on Turkey Night. I know a couple who invite friends over, pour the wine, crank up the holiday tunes, pull out the credit cards, and gather ‘round a warm laptop, taking turns to buy sentimental gifts that the recipients would never buy for themselves. Warning: While Saved By the Bell: The Complete Series on DVD might sound really cool after three or four glasses, ask yourself how the sober you will feel when the UPS dude drops it off.