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Six People Shot At Joy Life Center
Seems like only yesterday that neighbors in Handley were worried about a developer turning a church into an event center. The developer and Handley leaders pooh-poohed the worries, saying the event center would be used for family-friendly things such as weddings, receptions, and corporate meetings. Kind of like Joy Life Center, where a private event erupted in gunfire out in the parking lot early Sunday morning. Six people were wounded.

Jordan Spieth Best Golfer In World
Dallas wonder boy Jordan Spieth came in second at yesterday’s PGA championship. But his remarkable run of success this year makes him the world’s top-tanked golfer. Not just the best in the Metroplex, the state, and the country — the world! Spieth has already pocketed $10 million in winnings this year. Best of all, the young Texan has made professional golf fun to watch again during the post-Tiger Woods era.

Fort Worth’s Jason Day Beats Dallas’s Jordan Spieth
The guy who beat Spieth at yesterday’s PGA championship is Jason Day, an Australian. Dallas gets to claim Spieth as its own, but the Fort Worth Star-Telegram figured out that Day once lived in Cowtown and is claimable as our own. So suck it, Dallas!

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A Quick Test Of Your Knowledge Of Golf
Let’s say you’re golfing alongside Day and Spieth, playing solidly on the fairways and brilliantly on the greens as is your protocol, and suddenly your ball lands on top of an ant bed. Are you allowed to move your ball off the ant bed? Or do you have to let it lie and risk getting ant bit? (Hint: PGA golf rules make allowances for terrain problems created by burrowing animals.)

Texas Rangers Bust A Move
Don’t want to give golf all the glory this morning. Hats off to the Texas Rangers. The team swept Tampa Bay in three straight games. Tampa Bay’s losing pitcher was named Smyly, prompting a headline writer to come up with “No happy return for Smyly.”
A good headline writer is worth his weight in gold. The Rangers have won seven home games in a row and, despite all the hard luck and mediocre play on display this season, they suddenly find themselves one game out of the second wildcard spot and only four back in their division. WTF? Magic can happen here, folks, even after losing the team’s ace pitcher, Yu Darvish, before the season began.

Orthodontists Warn Against DIY Braces
This just in: Dentists say putting DIY braces on children’s teeth using plastic hair bands isn’t wise. A desire to save thousands dollars in mouth metal is prompting some parents and children to take molars into their hands. YouTube is full of people giving instructions on how to realign your own teeth at home. Seems like this practice would be perfectly safe, but orthodontists say it can lead to infection, tooth discoloration, root damage, and tooth loss. Hey, what else would they say? They make tons of money applying braces on kids’ teeth. The DIY thing sounds perfectly safe. My parents once did laser surgery on my eyes using a soldering iron. Worked out fine.

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