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Jeremy Strong counsels Sebastian Stan how to be a major-league con artist in "The Apprentice."

Last year I wrote that Sebastian Stan is best when he’s playing guys who are weak, small, and insecure. The word must be spreading, because now someone has cast him as Donald Trump. He stars in The Apprentice, a movie that cleverly uses the title of his old TV show to tell the story of his younger days learning how to craft his wearisome public persona.

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted by the last eight years of picking over The Donald’s mind by psychoanalysts, Beltway pundits, disgruntled former employees, and experts on senile dementia. For all that, I still could have used a movie that passes the definitive word on the 45th president and how he continues to maintain his hold on one political party and millions of voters when he’s clearly lost his grip on reality. Unfortunately, this movie isn’t that, and doesn’t offer a great deal else.

The movie picks up in the 1970s, as Donald collects rents in Queens for his slumlord dad Fred (Martin Donovan) and dreams of doing something to impress the old hardass. Across a crowded room, he spots Roy Cohn (Jeremy Strong), who sends one of his boyfriends over to meet with him. The federal government is suing Donald over housing discrimination at Trump properties, and Roy spikes the lawsuit by blackmailing the prosecutor (James Downing) with photographs of him having sex with other men. A beautiful romance is born — a drunken Roy pats Donald on the cheek and says, “You are so gorgeous. I’ll bet you fuck a lot.”

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Cohn is a fascinating historical figure, a gay Jew who rained hell on the lives of uncounted thousands of gays and Jews. Tony Kushner’s Angels in America plays did more to delve into the twisted psyche of this shadiest of operatives who dragged other people’s private lives through the muck while hiding his own. Strong does make a great cobra-like impression as a man who unblinkingly and unsmilingly watches other human beings and only sees resources to be exploited. He also provides an awesome moment when Fred thanks him for all the help he’s given Donald and Roy responds with a frosty, “I just fixed what others couldn’t.” Even so, the relationship isn’t colored in well enough to carry the movie, and in the final scene, when Donald rehashes Roy’s rules of engagement for future The Art of the Deal author Tony Schwartz (Eoin Duffy), it doesn’t provide the impact that the movie is going for.

Iranian-Danish director Ali Abbasi does capture the decadent milieu of New York in the 1980s and the cheesy decor of Trump’s buildings (and the synth-heavy score by three composers helps), but he and screenwriter Gabriel Sherman give a shallow account of their subject’s real estate career. Maria Bakalova is inspired casting as Ivana Trump, but she flits in and out of the film without logic so that one moment Donald is madly in love and the next he’s telling Roy that he feels nothing when he looks at her. The big controversy-baiting scene happens when Donald rapes Ivana during a marital argument, and it carries no impact because the preceding action hasn’t prepared us for that. Also, Donald Trump being a rapist isn’t exactly news at this point.

(Wait, what am I saying? This isn’t being stated enough. Somebody should be saying it every time the self-described “protector of women” opens his mouth. He raped E. Jean Carroll and then slandered her. That was proved in open court. A rapist is running for president. Anyone who votes for him is voting for a rapist. This needs to be repeated from now until the end of time. He’s a rapist, a rapist, a rapist.)

Whew, where was I? The drama does occasionally flicker to life, like when Donald confronts his older brother Fred Jr. (Charlie Carrick) about his alcoholism. However, neither the movie nor Stan’s performance can sustain that, and just last week the actor was much better as a different sort of defective male in A Different Man. This election season, which others have compared to an M. Night Shyamalan film for its plot twists, deserved a movie big enough to shift the political narrative. I myself would have settled for a decent piece of entertainment for two hours. Sadly, The Apprentice is neither, because it’s so determined to be evenhanded that it never develops a point of view. It only has concepts of a plan.

The Apprentice
Starring Sebastian Stan and Jeremy Strong. Directed by Ali Abbasi. Written by Gabriel Sherman. Rated R.

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