Now that the Ten Commandments are on display locally on government property, namely the Tarrant County Courthouse downtown, we thought we should update that ancient document to encompass current events the same way King James “updated” the Bible in the 1600s for political purposes from its original form (circa the 4th century CE) to what we mostly have today.
The New Ten Commandments
1.) I am the Lord thy God. Thou shall not have strange gods before Me — except money, power, fame, clicks, and the president of the United States.
2.) Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain — unless you’re fed up with federal-government overreach and fascism, then God effing damn it!
3.) Remember to keep holy the Lord’s day — unless you’re pastor of a megachurch and need to support certain far-right political candidates.
4.) Honor thy father and mother — unless they’re mentioned in the Epstein files 13,000 times, according to U.S. Rep. Ro Khanna.
5.) Thou shalt not kill — unless you’re an ICE agent and a mother is swerving her vehicle around you at -10mph or an off-duty VA nurse is trying to keep you from further harming a fellow citizen.
6.) Thou shall not commit adultery — unless your second wife is pregnant and you meet porn star Stormy Daniels or you’re a creep at the very least who, again according to U.S. Rep. Ro Khanna, is mentioned 13,000 times in the Epstein files.
7.) Thou shall not steal — unless you’re the president of the United States, whose net worth skyrocketed from $3.9 billion in 2024 to $7.3 billion since taking office, according to Forbes, because in the Upside Down, government officials personally profiting from their positions is totally ethical and legal.
8.) Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor — unless you’re ICE Barbie and routinely slander citizens simply exercising their First Amendment rights and being executed by the state as a result.
9.) Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife (or couch) — unless you’re the president or vice president of the United States or the U.S. secretary of defense or …
10.) Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods — unless it’s oil, then you can bomb the hell out of that country’s fishermen before confiscating the barrels and trying to sell them to fellow dictators, all while the mainstream U.S. media sits around with its collective thumb up its collective ass.
The form in which the courthouse’s Ten Commandments takes shape is a monument. Situated on the front lawn and donated by some Arkansas right-wing nonprofit, it has no discernable practical or artistic meaning beyond reinforcing the idea of this terribly run county within this ridiculously shithole-tastic state as a place of white Christian Nationalism. bUt OuR COuNtrY wUz fOuNdeD oN dA biBle. Back when everyone running the show was a white, Christian dude. Our country and our culture are a lot more diverse now, and even our white, Christian, male founders were smart enough to see their time would not be permanent, which is why the U.S. Constitution prohibits the intermingling of church and state. Like a lot of things, that document that nearly half of us have either forgotten about or shit on every day means nothing to Gov. Greg Abbott and his bootlickers in Tarrant County, specifically County Judge Tim O’Hare, who is perhaps best known for calling the cops on the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth for doing what it does and displaying art (“Nanny State on Patrol,” Jan. 22, 2025). You get what you vote for, and if not even half of Tarrant County is turning out for local elections, it’s really hard for those of us with brains, hearts, and platforms to keep fighting the good fight without seeming embarrassingly pollyannish. Alas …
This column reflects the opinions of the editorial board and not the Fort Worth Weekly. To submit a column, please email Editor Anthony Mariani at Anthony@FWWeekly.com. He will gently edit it for clarity and concision.
