Steroids must shrink a dude’s brain even smaller than his nuts. That’s how it seemed while watching Mark McGwire sniveling an apology on TV last night.

He lied for years — lied by omission, stonewalling, passive-aggressive posturing, whatever. Now he wants a job in baseball again. But first he has to apologize.

I don’t blame players for using steroids in what has become known as the Steroid Era. It was like smoking pot in the 1970s. Everybody did it, even the cheerleaders and nerds.


But once the steroid situation was exposed and baseball fans made clear that it was no longer acceptable, players needed to come clean, own up, and move forward.

McGwire did none of that. He stayed dirty, silent, and deposed.

He wouldn’t admit he was ‘roided up through the 1990s, including 1998 when he shattered Roger Maris’ home run record.

McGwire’s Hall of Fame chances were at risk, his fairy tale at stake. So he stayed quiet.

Congress be damned; he wouldn’t answer questions at the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform in 2005.

McGwire made former “Bash Brother” Jose Canseco out to be a very poorly dressed liar rather than to own up to his own shortcomings.

The creepy Canseco may be a lot of things but he wasn’t lying about steroids.

McGwire blew every chance to be a genuine hero, or just an honest man. He could have stood up, spoken the truth, taken his medicine, and showed his former fans and kiddies how to take it like a man.

Now, years later, he’s giving a half-assed apology filled with crocodile tears and convenient excuses for himself and even a denial that the steroids made him a better hitter.

Kids, this ain’t how to be a hero — it’s how to be a punk.