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This week I’m practicing with my camera to learn how to download photos, size them, jpeg ’em, and post them onto Blotch.

This prompted reader Lucky Pierre to suggest I go to the Stock Show.

I aim to please.

The first guy I ran into was Sam McClure, who was grooming a llama named Tax Man (the critter was born on April 15).

SAM MCCLURE AND TAX MAN
"TAX MAN" AND SAM MCCLURE (DO THEY SHARE THE SAME BARBER?)

McClure is a talkative sort and within minutes I knew more about llama feces than I ever imagined.

“They’re poop doesn’t smell,” McClure said. (My ex-girlfriend used to say the same thing about me).

Seems llamas have a three-panel stomach that does an extra good job of breaking down food into a pile of poop so lovely and fragrant that you damn near want to roll around in it.

“And it’s great fertilizer,” he said.

tools-of-trade1

A nearby barn was filled with cows, including Anela, a pretty little thing with furry ears and deep, searching eyes (her eyes mainly seemed to search for a deep pile of hay).

Kelly Salyer, an 11-year-old from Wharton TX, is Anela’s keeper or master or whatever you call it. She said Anela is a braunvieh.

“What’s a braunvieh?” I asked.

An older girl standing next to Salyer sighed and, somewhat dismissively, said, “It’s the oldest pure breed ever.”

Well excuuuuuse me for not knowing my cow breeds. I have a life.

"ANELA" AND KELLY SALYER OF WHARTON
"ANELA" AND KELLY SALYER

Next I ran into Fort Worth’s most recognizable millionaire Ed Bass, looking dapper in his Western-tinged but still contemporary outfit. He was walking west when I ran into him.

“Hello, Mr. Bass, can I take your photo?”

“Sure, you bet, glad to,” he said.

After I took the photo, he shook my hand then started walking east. That’s odd, I thought to myself, did he forget which direction he was going? Sure enough, after a few paces he spun around and headed back in a westerly direction.

ED BASS: HEAD WEST RICH MAN!
ED BASS: HEAD WEST RICH MAN!

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