Dez Bryant deserves a game ball, but not for the two touchdowns he scored in yesterday’s game against the Detroit Lions.

Bryant gets a game ball, game jersey, team captainship, brass ring, and free hot dogs for saying what any self-respecting Dallas Cowboys fan should have been saying during the last-minute loss: WTF! WTF! WTF!

Offensive coordinator Bill Callahan is so out of touch he thought Bryant was saying, “Who’s Tina Fey?”


TV cameras showed Bryant on the sidelines pitching a snot-slinging fit, screaming at Romo, coaches, team captain Jason Witten, injured star DeMarcus Ware, and anyone else in his line of vision.

Game analysts described it as a temper tantrum. Today’s headlines and columns are tossing around words like “immature” and “lack of discipline.”

They ought to be using words like “warrior” and “spirit” and “thank god somebody sports a pair on this team.”

Remember when Bryant was a rookie, and wideout Roy Williams told him to carry his helmet and pads off the field, as veterans often ask of rookies? Bryant told Williams to carry his own damn sweaty pads.

That tells you a lot about Bryant and why he’s the guy the Cowboys should build their offense around. He’s another Manster.


Bryant might be a train wreck off the field but he’s a one-man wrecking crew on the field and he needs to be spoon fed the football instead of being used as a high-paid decoy for Terrance Fucking Williams.

Callahan and Jason Garrett’s play calling was so timid at crunch time that I’m surprised they didn’t punt on first down.  Punting is a better plan than feeding the ball to a motley cast of benchwarming running backs with the Lions stacked up front like the Great Wall of China.

Three and out, punt, lose game, repeat ad nauseum.

Under Garrett and Callahan’s game plan, Tony Romo continuously targeted Williams, who responded by missing, dropping, or misplaying most everything thrown his way. There’s a reason he’s a third receiver.

Romo threw 10 passes to Williams and completed two.

Bryant is 10 times the receiver that Williams could ever hope to be. It takes 10 Williamses and several Austins and Beasleys to carry Bryant’s jock strap.

Yet Romo ignored our most gifted athlete for most of the game (and in previous games as well). The Lions stuffed the offense time and time again and would have destroyed them if not for a tough Cowboys defense with four takeaways.

Bryant had six balls thrown his way, and he caught three for 72 yards. Two of his three catches went for touchdowns. He was covered on both TD passes but made catches anyway. Guys like Johnson and Bryant make magic happen. Greatness can’t be double or even triple teamed.

Too bad Romo doesn’t have the same faith in Bryant that Stafford has in Johnson. Stafford threw to Johnson 16 times. Johnson caught 14 and topped 300 yards. That’s what faith does for you.

Today the sports media is blasting Bryant for being petulant and disruptive. The game announcer said there’s no place in the game for behavior like this and blah blah stick a sock in it blah.

Bryant appears to be the only person on the Cowboys with the passion, fire, and wild-eyed mania it’s going to take to get this mediocre team in the playoffs. Give him the ball! Dammit!

Okay, I’m calming down now. Off Asides is supposed to be a chill sports column, not a rant.

So, let’s see…did you notice how Lions running back Reggie Bush fumbled at a crucial time? He once dated Kim Kardashian.

And did you notice Miles Austin on the sidelines with another injury? He too dated Kardashian.

As it turns out, Bryant’s argument on the sidelines was about dating Kardashian.

BRYANT: “I don’t want to date her! She’s like the Sports Illustrated cover curse. And her face looks like a Botox storage tank!”

WITTEN: “But you have to date her! You are a professional athlete!”

BRYANT: “I’d rather carry around Roy Williams’s sweaty pads!”

WITTEN: “It’s the same difference!”

BRYANT: “But how can I refer to her baby as North West without laughing out loud???”

WITTEN: “It’s okay! Everybody laughs!”







  1. “A tough Cowboys defense”?! They gave up 623 yards, the most ever by a Dallas team.

    And, please, don’t call them “takeaways.” At least two of them were handouts and/or accidents.

    • The Cowboys defense allowed only 7 points in the first three quarters, and also had two interceptions and two fumble recoveries. That sounds pretty tough to me.

      P.S. How’d your Steelers do?

  2. Worth noting that Jason Witten came off the field cursing after a Cowboys’ fourth down late in the fourth quarter, but there were no cameras on him, and nobody’s calling him a malcontent who needs to grow up. Funny how that works.

    I’m with Bryant’s defenders on this. The Cowboys have now thrown away three winnable games this season, two of them against opponents (San Diego and Detroit) who know how to throw away winnable games themselves. If I were Bryant, I’d be frustrated, too.

  3. The Lions were trying to give the game away, Jeff. Their offense made bone-headed play after bone-headed play. In other words, I wouldn’t be proud of the Cowboys’ defense. Putting up 600-plus yards against air is tough enough; against an alleged NFL-caliber defense is pretty impressive and should be of grave concern to the trampled and all the people who love them (i.e. you).

    The Steelers lost, BTW. But I’m sure you know that and asked just to divert the pain away from yet another heartbreaking Cowboys loss in nearly two decades’ worth of heartbreaking Cowboys losses, one playoff victory in three playoff games, and zero Super Bowl appearances.