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R.I.P., Kipenzi
This story is sad, so we’ll lay off the Walter Palmer jokes. The Dallas Zoo’s 3-month-old baby giraffe Kipenzi died in an accident on Tuesday after she broke her neck running into a perimeter fence while making a sharp turn. Her birth had been witnessed live on the internet via Animal Planet, and her death inspired nationwide mourning. The Zoo recommends donating to the Giraffe Conservation Foundation. Reticulated giraffes like Kipenzi are common in zoos, but they’re listed as a vulnerable subspecies by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature, so a donation wouldn’t go amiss.

This Chamber Hates You
Politico has a thoughtful piece on just how much Ted Cruz has alienated his fellow Republicans in the U.S. Senate in his short time there. When his presidential bid falls short (and notice I said “when” and not “if”), he’ll have to decide whether he wants to run for a second term in 2018, and whether he’ll have to change his style if he does. If he does leave the Senate, what career path should he pursue?

Who Do You Root For Here?

Tuesday is the deadline for qualifying for the first debate between the Republican presidential candidates, and the ones on the bubble like Rick Perry are getting nervous. So our former governor challenged Donald Trump to a pull-up contest. I am not making this up. Trump made fun of Perry earlier for wearing glasses, so Perry’s campaign criticized Trump’s fashion choice when he visited the border. Can the Republican primary get any sillier? Of course it can. Let’s watch.

My Châteauneuf-du-Pape Tastes Like Grape Kool-Aid
Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission today announced a fine for Fort Worth’s Fantasy Ranch and Dallas’ Gas Monkey Bar N’ Grill for substituting cheaper liquor brands while charging for more expensive ones. The penalty for the establishments was light because only one sample out of five was discovered to be the cheap stuff. Still, the sanction on Fantasy Ranch is enough to make you lose faith in the alcohol quality at strip clubs everywhere. TABC says they’re going to release the names of other offending bars and restaurants in the coming weeks. Alcohol fraud is rather easy to get away with, if you’re wondering.

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And Finally…
Today is both the 57th birthday of Kate Bush and the 197th birthday of Emily Brontë. To mark the occasion, here’s Bush’s song “Wuthering Heights.”

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