By the time you read this, Team USA will have likely played its Wednesday evening round-of-32 match against Bosnia-Herzegovina, and you will be either ruing an embarrassing end to a promising run or gleefully scouting our next opponent (Belgium or Senegal). I would expect USA to prevail over the Balkans on the basis of talent. Then again, I could have said the same thing about Italy prior to their defeat to the Bosnians. Then again again, I have much more faith in Coach Mauricio Pochettino than I did in Italy’s then-Coach Gennaro Gattuso, who promised to go into hiding but instead will take charge of Lazio. Let’s get to the questions.
What was the Disgrace of Gijón?
In last week’s update, I alluded to everybody hating the Germans in 1982. Another major reason was West Germany’s final group-stage game against Austria that year, after Algeria had already played their final group-stage game. Both countries went into the match in Gijón knowing that a 1-0 victory for the Germans and no other scoreline would result in both West Germany and Austria advancing to the knockout rounds, while Algeria would be eliminated. Sure enough, the Germans scored early, then both teams spent the remainder of the match standing still and passing the ball aimlessly around the midfield circle.
What was the fallout?
The mostly pro-Algeria crowd threw garbage at the teams after they left the stadium, West German and Austrian broadcasters and fans proclaimed their disgust with the players, and some observers compared Austria’s performance to Der Anschluss, when the country welcomed Adolf Hitler’s annexation without firing a shot. Some of the players involved did appear to feel bad about what they’d done, but West Germany Coach Jupp Derwall was not one bit sorry. He lectured the press: “The point of this sport is not to win. It is to survive.” The West Germans rode that cynical attitude all the way to the final, where they lost to Italy, which made lots of people really happy. After that, World Cup organizers reconfigured the tournament so that teams would kick off their last group-stage matches at the same time to prevent such results.
Why are we starting with stuff that happened 44 years ago?
Because the new structure has brought back tanking as an option. Norway, benching 10 of their regular starters, handed their group-stage finale to France. The result was a 4-1 loss that relegated Norway to second place and a round-of-32 game against Ivory Coast, while the first-place French have to deal with Sweden. The Norwegians probably match up better with the Ivorians than with their next-door neighbors, and now their main guys will be rested, but it was an unedifying spectacle.
Were there more shenanigans with Austria?
Their last group-stage loss this year just happened to be against Algeria, with a draw sending both teams through. Soccer’s conspiracy theorists speculated that the two countries might repeat the disgrace in Kansas City or that Austria might tank the match to avoid Spain in the round of 32. Fortunately, the two teams kept it all simple and did their best to win, with Algeria’s late go-ahead goal canceled out by Austria’s even later equalizer for a 3-3 draw. It was great entertainment for everyone except Iran, who would have been saved from elimination by an Algeria win and briefly thought they had been.
What did the Fox broadcasters mean when they referred to the disturbing charges against Ghana’s Thomas Partey?
They meant rape. The announcers may be too delicate to say the word, but I’m not. Partey is under indictment for seven counts of rape and one of sexual assault in the U.K. That’s why the England crowd booed the Villarreal midfield anchor every time he touched the ball in the England-Ghana game and also why the Canadian government wouldn’t let the player into the country for Ghana’s opening match against Panama. Our government, on the other hand, says he’s fine to face Australia in Kansas City. (I’m not making a Donald Trump rape joke here. I’m not making a joke about Trump and Jeffrey Epstein here. I’m staying quiet. Aren’t you proud of how quiet I am?) Ghana Coach Carlos Queiroz defended his selection of Partey: “One day, the river will meet the ocean.” Yeah, I don’t know, either. From a purely soccer standpoint, the Black Stars probably need Partey’s two-way play and experience. I don’t have to limit myself to a purely soccer standpoint, so I’m hoping the Australia fans and neutrals in KC let him hear it.
Speaking of accused rapists, how is Cristiano Ronaldo doing?
After tallying two goals against Uzbekistan, he was back to his ineffectual self in Portugal’s goalless draw against Colombia. If you want to do an impression of Ronaldo, make an aggrieved face while using both arms to indicate where your teammates should have passed the ball to you. Portugal may get past Croatia in the round of 32, but I wouldn’t lay any money on it.
Where’s Cape Verde?
The country of less than 500,000 became the smallest nation ever to advance out of the World Cup group stage. It will likely be lights out for them after their upcoming match against Argentina, but the islands should be proud, especially after they eliminated Uruguay.
What happened there?
Uruguay has historically relied on their defense and physical play, so it was always an odd fit when they hired Coach Marcelo Bielsa and his attack-first, -second, and -everything else philosophy. Uruguay didn’t give him the personnel for that approach, especially with striker Dárwin Núñez spraying shots everywhere except the goal. After Fernando Muslera’s hideous goalkeeping error (which gifted Spain a win and resulted in the player being subbed out humiliatingly during the game), Uruguay went out in typical fashion, with a red card in their last game and everybody screaming at the ref.
Who described soccer as “22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes, and then the Germans win”?
It was England striker Gary Lineker. It looked like that saying was going to hold up again this year when Ivory Coast played a great game against Germany, and it just didn’t matter, as Deutschland ran out 2-1 winners. In the knockout rounds, though, the script flipped as Germany lost a World Cup shootout for the very first time to Paraguay. (A few hours later, Netherlands lost another shootout to Morocco. I picked those countries to underachieve at this tournament. I so enjoy looking like a genius.) The same Paraguay defense that Team USA dismantled for four goals gave up only one to the Germans. Maybe the humiliation of that early loss spurred on the South Americans. Maybe Poch just had the right game plan for them. Or maybe they just belatedly realized that the World Cup had started. Whatever it was, the historic win kicked off wild celebrations in Paraguay.
Who else is celebrating?
Of the three host countries, Canada had given their fans the least to cheer about by far during the group stage. Their loss to Switzerland forced them into a tougher bracket away from home, and the only reason they weren’t facing a cauldron-like atmosphere in L.A. was because South Korea Coach Hong Myung-bo bungled his country’s final match and handed Canada a matchup with South Africa. Canada huffed and puffed against the Bafana Bafana until Stephen Eustáquio’s enviable stoppage-time strike gave Les Rouges a memorable win. If you’re annoyed by Coach Jesse Marsch’s manic sideline antics, you’ll just have to stand them for at least one more game. The co-hosts will be underdogs against Morocco, but the fans up north well deserved the unprecedented success for their men’s team.
What happened with South Korea?
The Taeguk Warriors were looking forward to a win over South Africa and what would have amounted to a home game in L.A. Instead, with South Korea needing a goal to survive, Coach Hong stuck to his defense-first system, and the Koreans were eliminated. The president of the country publicly demanded Hong’s resignation. I’d tell Donald Trump not to get any ideas, but who am I kidding? If Team USA falls anywhere short of winning the World Cup, he’ll inject himself into it in the most embarrassing way.
Will Belgium take out Team USA?
They may not get the chance. I thought they’d beat every team in Group G, but seeing their toothless display in a goalless draw against Iran, I thought, “Are we sure this team is good?” The Red Devils were missing winger Jérémy Doku, who had gone back home to attend the birth of his first child, but they shouldn’t have needed him to defeat Iran. Belgium came back to score five against New Zealand. Let’s see them against a real defense, which Senegal should be able to put up against them.
